Color Therapists say red = "aggression"; blue = "harmony."

I just got this from my Dad. It's one of those "Fw:" EMails, but it's too good to not share:

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own countries, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama .

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America 's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia .

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. We do believe in the medicinal benefits. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace to you and yours,

The Blue States

Your Daily George: Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money(George Carlin).


  1. This is hilarious. We are a far cry from United States. The blue states should just form another country. Don't even get me started on the south!!

  2. Funny...not many female political humorists out there.

    Your writing style is clear and the jokes are funny.

  3. Well, thank you very much! :) There's a lot to laugh about, right? As Carlin says, "In America, anyone can be President. That's the problem."


  4. Dangittt! That means they get all the good BBQ....the red bastards!

  5. Yeah, but we get all the good herb. ;)

  6. Hey, followed you from Robin's blog. What do you guys do about the battleground states? Last I checked, my home state of MO, which has gone for all the winning presidential candidates except for one in the last hundred years, was beginning to lean toward Obama.

  7. SWEET. We totally get the rights to that heart-warming Judy Garland film, "Meet Me In St. Louis." The only downer being the protracted legal wranglings with Larry Craig(Next to Koala Kare changing tables, girlfriend loves him some Judy Garland).

    Go MO!