Dog Haiku

I love my Master;
Thus, I perfume myself with
this long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.

Today I sniffed
Many dogs' butts. I rejoice
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy - come to kill us -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello spot -
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic
I have made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain
Look, world! They strangle me! Ack!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Sleeping here - my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe chasing squirrel.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence - Why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend.
Now, always and especially
When you are eating.

My owner's mood is
Romantic. I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

-Author unknown but totally AWESOME.

(Thanks, PD!)