Thanks, but I'd rather eat pie.

So far, three friends have invited me shop with them the day after Thanksgiving (aka Black Friday: Beyond Thunderdome). Let's see -- wake up at 5am, the day after I've cooked, cleaned and visited to the point of exhaustion...OR...sleep in, morning hike with the family, eat pie for the rest of the day. Wow. That's a tough one. A real Sophie's Choice.

I don't know about you but for me, the mall after Thanksgiving is like Dante's 6th Circle of Hell. The only time I can tolerate shopping, in general, is the first few minutes after the stores open. If the Geriatric Ninja Mall Walkers start brandishing nunchucks and throwing stars, I bail.

I've done Black Friday twice in my life. The first time, I went by myself and had a panic attack before the sun came up. "Game over, man! Game over!" The second time was a little less awful. My neighbor picked me up, we went to Starbuck's and found money in the parking lot (The road to Hell is paved with $5s and $10s)! After two hours, though, the bargain-crazed freakaliques started to resemble extras from "Dawn of the Dead." I had my neighbor take me home before someone started chewing on my neck.

I adore my friends, and it was awfully magnanimous of them to include me in their trip to Hell, but I'd rather spend the day sleeping and eating(that winter weight isn't going to gain itself, people!) than battling ninjas and zombies. Have fun, girls!