Don't make me get out the wooden spoon...

So, everyone in Washington agrees the tanking economy is a bipartisan problem. Only, we went way beyond "tanking" today, when the DOW plunged a record 800 points(it's the biggest one-day point drop ever).

It's more like a "Das Boot"-plunging-submarine problem. But instead of running around dirty and sweaty -- frantically yelling, "Alarm! Alarm!" and trying to plug the leaks and restart the engine -- our DC boys/girls in their fancy suits/pantsuits are holding "closed-door" meetings and doing Jager shots. No, wait -- that last one is me.

Maybe they SHOULD get the bottle out -- a little German joy juice might lull them into a nice mellow of cooperation and, what's that word again? Oh, yeah -- BIPARTISANSHIP.

Now, when my kids refuse to compromise and the bickering has gone on too long and Mommy has a headache in her eye, I tell them they have to face each other and say, "I'm sorry." If they still refuse to play together, I make them hug for two minutes straight. No talking, just hugging.

If these boys and girls can't get their shit together, I'm sending my niece to Washington:











"Because of you cheeseheads, I lost $10,000 from my 401K!"





And she's bringing her sippy cup o' whupass. Now, in the words of our fearless leader, George Bush (and by "fearless leader," I mean blowmonkey fratboy): "Git 'er DONE!!"