Tough Monkey Love

I should have known better.

I caught the Ebola plague a few days ago. From my dog. Don't ask. Since it's difficult to write while varied forms of putrescence spew from every body orifice, I had to leave one of the monkeys in charge of NFVWW. Frankie was the only sober one, so I picked him.

(8:l) <--Frankie

I explained the rules: only one friend, no flinging poop, no screaming, no pretending to type with bananas...

I had reason to be nervous after what happened last time. Exhausted and overworked, I had decided to finally use that gift certificate to the Richard Simmons Salon and Day Spa. After several hours of Sweatin' to the Oldies followed by a full makeover, I felt fabulous (nothing like a sassy new Afro and satin jogging shorts/tank top ensemble to lift your spirits)!

When I got home, I found my laptop smeared with bits of spiced pork and ham and a disgusting, gelatinous meat juice oozing from the keys. Taped to the screen was a crude, handwritten note, "YOU GOT SPAMMED! ha-ha-ha! From, the monkeys."

But Frankie was sober now and promised this time would be different. He'd been to donut rehab and found his higher power. Yes, I think it's a little weird that Betty White is his higher power, but we all have to follow our own path, right?

I should have known better.

Though Frankie completed donut rehab, his best friend, Crazy Eddie, didn't. He showed up wearing the paper Burger King crown he always wears:

{](8:l) <--Crazy Eddie

And Eddie brought Gross Mikey, the one the other monkeys call "Booger Monkey:"

(8;l) <--Gross Mikey

Not only did they completely trash NFVWW, Frankie fell off the wagon. I found him in the refrigerator, clutching an iced long john in each little monkey paw. His pupils were dilated and he had seven donut holes stuffed in his mouth. A little trickle of chocolate glaze oozed from his lips.

(8:Q) <--just sad

So, Frankie's back in rehab and on the path (again) to recovery. I went to visit him this morning. He was alone in the TV room, eating a frozen banana and watching "Golden Girls" reruns. He smiled and gave me an opposable thumbs up. He'll be alright.

So, since I'm still languishing in bed and now have no monkey backup, NFVWW will be on hiatus until the phlegm clears and the Robitussin buzz wears off...