Whippy's Guide to Easy Holiday Decorating

Turn on radio station that's been playing Holiday Music since the day after Halloween.
Start dancing with husband.

Pour tumbler of wine.
Toss in cinnamon stick so it can be called a Holiday Beverage.
Pour another tumbler of....Hell, we're out of wine...pour tumbler of Peppermint Schnaaps and Diet Dr. Pepper.

Let kids decorate house.
Say, "Shut it" when husband objects.
Plop down on doggie bed and eat leftover pie with spoon.
Say, "Shut it" when dog objects.

Turn off stoopid radio Christmas crap.
Put in batshitcrazy funk CD.
Start dancing with dog.

Point finger at huzzband, squint eyes and slur, "Youuuu know what your problem issssss?"
Do excellent breakdancing move before decorating huzzband with tinsel.

Hold bell over huzzband's head and shout, "Teacher says, every time a bell rings, Grinchy McPartyPooper gets an ornament hung on his pants!"
Laugh hysterically and Obama-knuckle-bump yourself.

Attempt to balance glass snow globe on head while walking imaginary catwalk and singing, "I'm too sexy for my Santa, too sexy for my..."
Do excellent breakdancing move before crawling back on doggie bed.
Fall asleep while spooning dog and singing, "Feliz Navidog."

Wake up in Hangover Hell(Wine and Peppermint Schnaaps? Hellooooo...)
Look around at completely decorated house(albeit a bit ASKEW).
Smile at a job well done.


  1. Sadly, all the Boxrud decor is still in the basement in boxes; however, I plan to follow these steps EXACTLY on Saturday. Or Sunday. Depends when I get the Schnaaps.

  2. What kinduv darlin dotter did yo
    momma raise? You are havin way
    too much fun.

  3. I'm a banana chip off the old monkey, lady, and you knows it!