I'm not tall, I'm not grande, I am venting.
With whip...because sometimes you need something light, sweet and fluffy.
He's my baby. And my body pillow. I do nappy times with him.
I feed him marshmellows. With my teef.
I call him my "Baby Dogger Fluffer Nugget". In that annoying, little girl babytalk voice.
However, when he eats the entire contents of this:
Which was filled with lots of these:
"Bebbeh Dogger Fluffer Nugget" becomes, "Big Dummy." Yes, yes he did. Hilarity did not ensue.
I knew there was a problem when, after two days of barely eating and drinking, he wouldn't get off the floor and was panting like my husband looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog.
It was 10:30. At night. Said husband was out of town. In Australia. Bebbeh monkehs were already in bed. Sleeping. Big Dummy was hurting. And begging me to do something.
Wake up kids. Pile Big Dummy and kids in Jeep. Drive to ER Animal Clinic which, thankfully, was not busy. Funny (and by "funny," I mean "a major pain-in-the-ass that took so long, my children were lying on the floor of the examining room crying") how it took them two hours to tell us Big Dummy was dehydrated, possibly obstructed, needed to spend the night there and might need surgery.
At 5am the next morning, I call the ER Clinic to check on Big Dummy. Because, as his Doggeh Mommeh, I was vewwy, vewwy wowwied. After talking to the Vet Tech on Duty, I decided that whatever they were paying him was not enough:
ME: Yes, hi. I'm calling to check on my dog, Potter? He um...ate tampons?
VTOD: Right. *long pause*
ME: Is he ok? How's he doing? Can I talk to him -- I mean, how is he?
VTOD: Let's see...Ok, at 3:15 this morning, he defecated and passed two tampons. We're waiting to see if he passes the rest...
ME: Oh, good. *blink-blink* Oh, God. I'm so sorry...Uhhh, it was a heavy flow day? Ha-Ha. Gee, sucks to be you! Ha-Ha. ... ... Hello?
VTOD: Right. So, if he continues to do well, you can probably pick him up tomorrow afternoon.
ME: Oh, great! Thank you SO much! Have a great day! Ha-Ha.
Three days and almost A THOUSAND DOLLARS later, Bebbeh Doggeh Fluffer Nugget is resting comfortably and enjoying lots of Mommeh kisses. On teh doggeh lips.
We have since replaced all bathroom trashcans with this model:
I'm still not entirely sure how I found your blog...but I'm so glad I did. You're hilarious! If Erma Bombeck and George Carlin had produced an illicit love-child, I would imagine that child would write like you.--Ed
The clip of Potter smiling- it's truly priceless! You can see that he clearly wants to smile for you! Love it- and btw- I look @ your blog regularly. It lifts my sprits every time- it's a daily fix of love, peace, hilarity & happiness that we can all use, ecpecially these days. Thanks!--Judy