.
He's my baby. And my body pillow. I do nappy times with him.
I feed him marshmellows. With my teef.
I call him my "Baby Dogger Fluffer Nugget". In that annoying, little girl babytalk voice.
However, when he eats the entire contents of this:
Which was filled with lots of these:
"Bebbeh Dogger Fluffer Nugget" becomes, "Big Dummy." Yes, yes he did. Hilarity did not ensue.
I knew there was a problem when, after two days of barely eating and drinking, he wouldn't get off the floor and was panting like my husband looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog.
It was 10:30. At night. Said husband was out of town. In Australia. Bebbeh monkehs were already in bed. Sleeping. Big Dummy was hurting. And begging me to do something.
Wake up kids. Pile Big Dummy and kids in Jeep. Drive to ER Animal Clinic which, thankfully, was not busy. Funny (and by "funny," I mean "a major pain-in-the-ass that took so long, my children were lying on the floor of the examining room crying") how it took them two hours to tell us Big Dummy was dehydrated, possibly obstructed, needed to spend the night there and might need surgery.
At 5am the next morning, I call the ER Clinic to check on Big Dummy. Because, as his Doggeh Mommeh, I was vewwy, vewwy wowwied. After talking to the Vet Tech on Duty, I decided that whatever they were paying him was not enough:
ME: Yes, hi. I'm calling to check on my dog, Potter? He um...ate tampons?
VTOD: Right. *long pause*
ME: Is he ok? How's he doing? Can I talk to him -- I mean, how is he?
VTOD: Let's see...Ok, at 3:15 this morning, he defecated and passed two tampons. We're waiting to see if he passes the rest...
ME: Oh, good. *blink-blink* Oh, God. I'm so sorry...Uhhh, it was a heavy flow day? Ha-Ha. Gee, sucks to be you! Ha-Ha. ... ... Hello?
VTOD: Right. So, if he continues to do well, you can probably pick him up tomorrow afternoon.
ME: Oh, great! Thank you SO much! Have a great day! Ha-Ha.
VTOD: *click*
Three days and almost A THOUSAND DOLLARS later, Bebbeh Doggeh Fluffer Nugget is resting comfortably and enjoying lots of Mommeh kisses. On teh doggeh lips.
We have since replaced all bathroom trashcans with this model:
Posts
aye caramba!
ReplyDeletei'm so glad potter doggeh is better now. whew!
keep an eye on those lids. arthur already figured out how to lift the lids on our cans with his nose.
Oh, yes. He's back to being my Baby Dogger Fluffer Nugget. Or, "My Doggy Boyfriend." Or, "My Shugga Dogger Pupper Lover."
ReplyDeleteFortunately, his big, boxy head is not filled with brain. It's all lub. And slobber.
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is an example of why we do not have a dog (yet). I love dogs, but I am still getting over the new levels of disgusting that our girls introduced us to as babies/toddlers. Like the times (plural) that we went to get one of them out of her crib and found that she had taken off all clothes, including the diaper, and had fingerpainted all over the wall and crib with her poop (and was covered head to toe). Ew.
Or when the other sneezed during a diaper change and shot poop 4 feet across the room to land on her Christening dress (which was on the back of a chair - so who knows how much farther the poop shot would have traveled). Heh heh heh. But ew.
1. All kids should have a dog; dogs are unconditional love and provide endless joy.
ReplyDelete2. Dogs are gross. Did I ever tell you about Potter's "ass juice" issues? See, dog's have these anal glands, which sometimes get impacted...Stop me if you've heard this before...
3. See number 1.
PS Can your daughter teach me to shoot dookie out my butt when I sneeze?? Please???
ReplyDeleteEw ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
ReplyDelete