*1/8 UPDATE: Commentary (with BONUS video clip) by Girly Girl immediately follows this post.
1/7 UPDATE: Girly Girl just reminded me that she had previously changed "Happy Hands'" name to "Rocket In My Pocket."
As many of you know, my nine year old daughter is not a fan of the Hannah Montana. Or the High School Musical. In fact, she renamed the HSM kids. I'll let you guess the identity of: "Happy Hands," "Flesh Lump Eater," "Afro McGaffro," "Man/Woman" and "Poop Face."
I quake at the thought of her reaction to this new show:
(Click the image. And, I'm sorry.)
Oh, it's bad. How bad? Well, let's start with the title. "Clique Girlz." "Clique," as in, a trio of skinny, pretty, blond girlz whoz aspirationz include getting boyfriendz and being superstarz.
It's absolutely a 30-minute commercial for all the cheap, tacky crap soon to hit WalMart, Target and ToysRUs. Little blond dollz in slutty clothez and whorish makeup. And really, really bad music CDz. At least Bratz dolls had some ethnic variety. Flava Dolls had ethnic variety AND street cred. I'd like to know what TV exec came up with this story idea. I'll bet you a bald-headed Barbie(designed by Girly Girl) it was a bunch of middle-aged men who never had kidz. Certainly, never had daughterz. Assholz.
Ok, let's move on to the accompanying music video, "I'll Be Your Boyfriend," performed by NKOTB. Only, they're really New MEN On The Block. What are they now, 40?? It'd be hilarious if it weren't for the pedophile factor. Yeah, I love the lyric, "It ain't statuatory rape if I LOVES you, girl." The next single to drop is, "I'll Pay For Your Abortion."
Now, I have absolutely nothing against the little girl actors. You can't blame them for accepting the roles. Neither should we fault the parents of these actors; they just want their kids to be happy and I'm sure they consider this a stepping stone to success, whatever that means for them. I don't know the girls' real names, but their characters sound lovely: "Destinee," "Paris," and "Ariel." Those names are so un-originally stupid, they're insulting to all little girls who will watch this show. And sadly, there will be many.
No, I'm pissed at the creators of this puke, and the TV exec who signed off on it. Yes, it'll make coin, but I'll bet you a Barbie melted in a citronella candle (designed by Girly Girl), they could have exercised a few more brain cells and created a smart, creative show for smart, creative girls who would absolutely spend their parent's money on smart, creative toys.
*1/8 Girly Girl's Reaction:
ON THE NAME, "CLIQUE GIRLZ":
ON THE SHOW: It's like a giant turd in the toilet that Dad just pooped out.
ON THE CHARACTERS' NAMES, "DESTINEE," "PARIS," AND "ARIEL":
One, they have bad spelling.
Two, Ariel is a giant mermaid and she(the actress) is NOTHING like Ariel. She's like Ursula. Three, I bet she(Paris) didn't even COME from Paris! Paris is beautiful and she is just...ugly. Well, I wouldn't say, 'ulgly;' I would say... just, 'not pretty.'
ON THEIR SINGING: It sounded like Brittney Spears with her head in the toilet.
INTERJECTION BY BUDDY BOY: They're like a younger version of Miley Cyrus. And Miley Cyrus acts like she's 30.
GIRLY GIRL: I wish I could just 'Clique' them off!
BB: It's like someone ate a bunch of Bratz dolls and pooped 'em out.
MOM: Why do you think they make shows like this?
GG: So they can get like, money.
MOM: What would you LIKE to see?
GG: The only other shows I'd wanna see those girls in is 'Celebrity Rehab' or 'The Soup.'
MOM: *stifling laughter* No, I mean, what kind of different SHOWS would you like to see?
GG: *giggling* Those girls being shot by that guy who has the accent...and who is like, really big...?
MOM: Arnold Schwarzenegger??
GG: *cracking up* YEAH!
BB: *cracking up* Clique Girlz doing Pro Wrestling!
MOM: *getting a little irritated* No, SERIOUSLY. What kind of DIFFERENT show would you like to see?
BB: *convulsing with laughter* Clique Girlz on Predator!!
GG: *uncontrollable giggling* "No, ALIEN vs. Predator!"
GG: *trying to scroll up on the MAC* Wait, go back to the picture so I can look at their clothes... *looking at image of Clique Girz on this post* Ewwww!! Why does she have her hand on her butt?? It's either she's scratchin' it or she's pickin' it.
MOM: *sensing interview has entered the River of No Return* Ok, we're done.
NFVWW would like to apologize to the child actors who play the roles of 'Destinee,' 'Paris' and 'Ariel.' I'm sure they are intelligent, witty and charming and only ACT like they have the IQ of a bag of mud, because that's how their characters are written. By a bunch of Assholz.
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